Baby June
by AFIS
Summary: Several years have passed since Catherine and Sara have last spoken about their relationship, but a late night call forces the two women back together again. Can be read as a standalone story or as a conclusion to the SB trilogy.


A/N - Hello, readers. I'm not going to say too much before this story because, honestly, it speaks for itself. Had a dream and this was the result. Have fun reading.

Disclaimer: Don't own so don't sue. Thanks in advance. 

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><p>The heart has its reasons, that reason cannot know.<p>

- Pascal

For the first time in a long time, Catherine Willows was truly and absolutely relaxed. The slight tinkling of the wind chimes played a slight tune in the heated air of the Paradise she was lucky enough to be experiencing. Each warm breathe wafted through Catherine's long strawberry blonde locks toward the open door of the cabin that she and her heart's desire, Sara Sidle, had been sharing together for the last couple of months.

After years of debating with each other over their burgeoning attraction for one another, they had finally decided to make the final plunge of commitment together. They had been living here in their Hawaiian Paradise with each other and their annoying pet dog to keep them company. Never had Catherine thought life could be so damn blissful until the one critical morning, as she snuggled up against Sara's lithe frame and realized nothing could ever disturb the two of them.

The idea of being totally cut off from the outside world seemed so appealing, but as Catherine lifted her head up to catch more of the never-ending warmth , she noticed the rumbling hurricane coming up from offshore. Slight grumbles accompanied the aggressive shocks of lightning that were trying to ram down their Paradise. The palm trees began to shake angrily as they began to argue passionately with the winds of the coming storm; the sand shifted restlessly on the shore as if it was trying to subconsciously force Catherine's mute form back into the safety of the cabin before the storm got worse.

But she couldn't leave.

Sara had run out somewhere after another furious bout of relaxed love making that had lasted from the time they had returned from their brief swim in the mirror-clear waters of the early morning to the afternoon. Those same mirror-clear waves were now muddied with a blackness Catherine had never seen before, and it scared her to the bone while equally tingling her senses. She had to find Sara and bring her back home, to their paradise.

Many months ago, when we were still learning that we were truly alone here with no Ecklie, Grissom, Nick, or Greg to come and show up on us, Catherine had been in a constant state of expectation. It wasn't so much the expectation of someone unexpectedly interrupting their paradise together, but it was the _waiting_ that nearly killed her. The waiting for something to pop out of the shadows of their past to eat their happiness up before they got too comfortable…that was what made her wake up, screaming and sweating in agony every night. But Sara was always there to catch all of the negativity and passionate curses she always ended up making against God she didn't even believe in; with one raised eyebrow and a lazy smile, she would lock all of my doubts and fears into a box that only she had the key to.

However, that box couldn't be locked forever. Even in a paradise of absolute perfection it was impossible to restrain the force of another woman's turmoil with her insecurities.

Endless miles of sand ensnared Catherine's legs as she began her search for her heart's desire. She looked back briefly to their Paradise to regain some sense of courage but the cabin had been swallowed whole by the inky dreariness of the storm as it rolled forward toward it's true destination, Catherine Willows. Never could she allow herself to be caught by that damn thing after all of the effort she had used getting away from it in the first place. Her small footprints danced in the lashing force of the wind as they lifted up from the earth to disappear back into the abyss.

After what felt like hours of endless trudging, she had found her.

Sara was standing stock still against the wet maw of the waves as they grabbed at her limbs to drag her into the storm. Lightning flashed in the distance and Catherine could finally see the hospital gown that Sara had suddenly adorned as her only armor for braving the angry storm that had no intention of losing this battle to a meek little woman. The waves clashed relentlessly against Sara's body and Catherine tried with all of her might to scream out to her. She used every plea, threat, and curse in the known world in order to regain her attention but it was useless, the storm had found a new victim.

No, Catherine couldn't help herself from thinking. She couldn't let that Monster have Sara. She ran out into the clashing waves and was instantly swallowed up by the same violent swell she had been trying to avoid, but she honestly could care less. Her mind was focused on saving Sara. Clenching her toes against the currents trying to knock her feet out from under her, Catherine continued her slow journey against Mother Nature.

The waves punched and slapped her body as every second passed, but after several moments, she had finally reached her heart's desire. With a half-hearted laugh that was instantaneously stolen by the tempest of wind, she reached out and grabbed Sara to her chest, but she didn't move. Sara was latched to the sandy floor of the ocean while Catherine struggled to retain a connection to Sara's unmoving body.

A smile graced her lips as she turned around to face her shaking body, but that same smile was painted on a face that was stained with the mascara that was running down her face like rivulets of blackened tears. She was an odd vision of lustful depression with her eyes and nose bloodshot while her lips were swollen as a result of our fuck-session from earlier. Despite all of this her eyes remained dull and lifeless.

Sara was dying the death that was meant for her.

Catherine continued screaming in vain as the storm finally took away the connection that she had struggled for so long to retain. The world turned into various shades of monochromatic black water and whitish-grey foam as Catherine's hand broke from Sara's still figure as she was pulled under.

A slight ticking sound that had been clinking throughout her head began to get louder and louder as the waves pulled her ever away from not only Sara, but the Paradise they had built for each other. After what felt like years of fighting the tide, it ceased almost as soon as it began.

Catherine found herself washed up on an unfamiliar beach with none of her familiarities in sight; Sara was nowhere to be found, their Paradise was gone, hell, even the damn dog had been flown off to some magical Oz for canines. But the one thing that remained a constant was that ticking noise in her head; it was getting even louder now.

Now, she was all alone with nothing but the same insecurities that she had tried so hard to get rid of to keep her company. A single groan of exhaustion pried itself out her throat as a phrase followed quickly behind it, "I can't live without you."

Each repeated mantra of that single phrase did nothing to stop the fervor of the ticking time-bomb in her head. Catherine passed out in exhaustion, but found herself waking up to the true truth of reality.

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><p>An African-American nurse walked up to the sleeping blonde haired woman sprawled over the small seat in front of the hospital bed. Despite the hospital rules of no visitors sleeping over in the hospice's resident's rooms, sometimes exceptions had to made for certain patients like the brunette she had been charged to ward over.<p>

After an impressive improvement in the brunette's vitals, she had suddenly taken a turn for the worse. Everyone at the hospice was preparing for the worse, but it hardly made things any easier. It didn't help matters that the brunette refused to give us her name. She clearly wanted anonymity in her final days on this earth, and the nurses had no choice but to respect that wish, but everyone at the hospice had gotten around to calling the brunette, Baby June. She had taken well to the nickname and had even laughed briefly when she had first heard one of the other nurses address her with it.

Baby June was a nice woman, quiet and helpful whenever she could be in her condition. She refused to use morphine to help her endure the increasing pain of her illness under the guise that using morphine would prevent her from feeling the true pain of the actions that brought her to this point. None of the nurses could figure out what she meant by that response, but we all just assumed it was a defense mechanism her mind had set up to make her future easier to understand.

The priest came in a couple of days ago in order to give her one confessional period to relieve herself of any sins, but all she kept saying through her weak attempts to breathe normally was to call Catherine Willows from Las Vegas, Nevada. Since that request, Baby June has been resting nonstop as if preparing herself for the effort needed to interact with this Catherine Willows.

As the blonde continued to sleep restlessly in the chair, the nurse walked over to the woman's phone and turned off the quiet tinkling of the alarm that she had previously had set. The nurse didn't have the heart to wake Ms. Willows up from her slumber since she had practically caught the first red-eye flight into Florida as soon as the nurses had found the listed phone number for a Catherine Willows in Las Vegas.

A soft sigh escaped from both Baby June's swollen lips as she made a slight whisper from her hospital bed, "Wake her up, nurse. She wants to talk, she better make it quick because I don't think I have much time left to chat about the good ol' days."

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><p>Catherine shuffled toward the bed like a toddler about to receive the punishment it deserved. It was hard enough to watch Sara sitting in the same kind of hospital bed that the victims they had used to investigate did, but it was next to impossible to watch her become an invalid woman that could hardly call herself Sara Sidle she had known and loved all those years ago. But those playful eyes told Catherine that this wasn't some cruel doppelganger looking for attention; Sara was dying in a hospital bed, suffering with a pain that Catherine could only imagine.<p>

The rhythmical binging noise coming from Sara's medical ventilator was unbearable loud. She tried closing her hands over her ears to stop the sound, but nothing could properly stop the sound from entering her ears and restarting the tears from falling down her face for the thirtieth time since she had gotten the call from the hospice nurse about Sara's condition.

"Sweetheart, don't be scared," Sara made a slight chuckle that was nearly louder than her voice. "Last time I checked, cancer isn't contagious."

Catherine leaned forward before sliding an uncomfortable chair up to the side of the bed, "I know you're not contagious it's just…I'm scared, Sara."

With a slight eyebrow raise, her dull eyes moved back toward Catherine's ruddy face as her face remained motionless, "Why are you scared? Death is just another…piece of the puzzle that a person must use to see the whole picture of not only themselves, but the world around them. I've accepted it and you should too."

"But I can't just 'accept it,' Sara. When I left CSI all those years ago with Vartann, I expected to feel better about everything we did together, but I never felt that. If anything, I just ended up feeling like a pussy for running away. And then I had to hear from a _hospice nurse_ that you were sick? What the fuck, Sara? Why haven't you called someone, Grissom would have been a likely choice."

A shaky sigh exits out of Sara's ghostly frame, "Firstly, technically you are a pussy since you've got one between your legs unless you've gotten a sex-change operation in the last couple of years. Secondly, I'm sorry for not mustering up the little bit of strength that I had in my body to call you about my cancer. Next time I develop a terminal illness, I'll make sure you're the first one I call. Thirdly, I didn't call anyone from the lab because I don't want to burden everyone. I just…want to die alone with no fuss. Grissom…he can't handle my death. He's always wanted to change me, change my emotions to fit his conservative world-view and I don't want to die with that around me."

Sara is interrupted by a sudden bout of muscle seizures that rips through her already weakened body to steal away her remaining words. Catherine was frozen between looking away out of respect and continuing to take in the image of a tense Sara gritting at her enamel worn teeth. She remembered briefly that the nurse had told her this morning when she got in that Sara had refused morphine, but as Catherine watched Sara shudder with her efforts to hold back the muffled screams of pain trying to claw out of her lungs.

Her pain subsided as soon as it arrived and Sara reopened her dull eyes to focus them on Catherine's face again, "Sorry 'bout that. It's been happening more lately. I guess it's my body's way of saying, 'Hurry the hell up!' Anyway…I don't want to argue with you, Catherine. How are you?"

Catherine makes a small sound of incredulousness before looking away in order to keep her tears to herself, "You're dying, Sara, why the fuck do you want to know how I am? It won't matter to you anyway."

"Because…it makes me feel normal and that's all I want, Catherine, is to be normal for just one more moment," Sara pursed her lips into a facsimile of a smile before lightly touching Catherine's clenched fist. "So tell me about everything going on with my extended CSI family. How's Greg? I heard he got married to some young thing from West Virginia…good luck with that, huh?"

With a smile, Catherine spent the next couple of hours relating her friends' exploits over the years. Every tale of Greg, Nick, Grissom, and even the various lab rats made the dull lifelessness of the hospice room brighten slightly with enlightened happiness. It felt wonderful to give Sara a piece of happiness before the inevitable, but as the stories flowed onward, Catherine felt Sara moving away from her emotionally for what was surely the last time.

Sara's eyes slowly lost their remaining luster as her ice-cold hand moved away from Catherine's burning hand, "It's time…time to let me go, honey."

"I can't live without you…I just can't, Sara."

Sara laughed weakly, "I need you to try for me. If I find out wherever I end up that you're moping around…I'm going to have to haunt your skinny-ass like Casper, the friendly ghost. Now, give me a hug before I go."

Tears ran down Catherine's face as she leaned out of the chair to retain the connection that they had created throughout the years, but she knew it was useless. Death couldn't be stopped by human emotions like love or guilt.

"I never stopped loving you, Sara."

"I know…I never stopped loving you either. Sometimes, I can't help but think that's why I got cancer, you know. I couldn't love you properly so I kept it inside until it killed me...how utterly fucked up is that?" Sara said before weakly grasping onto Catherine's back like a child going to school for the first time. "It's coming up so fast now. I want you to promise me that you'll move on from me, Catherine. Promise me."

"I promise," Catherine said as the tears fell upon her neck as Sara finally gave herself up to not only death but also to the emotions that had been storming down her emotional fortress of acceptance ever since Catherine's arrival. "Good-bye, Sara."

It was finished. Decades of life, experience, and learning all wiped out in a span of seconds.

Sara's eyes died as quickly as the grasp in her fingers weakened, leaving her hands hanging loosely by Catherine's side. The machines stopped their annoying whirring and purring as the tears ran down her face toward Sara's lifeless form. The shudders in her body were as unstoppable as the saddened moans were muffled against Sara's neck.

Catherine was now stranded in a world just like her dream; she was all alone with no hope of returning to the Paradise that had just died in her arms. The only thing she could do now was pick up the remaining pieces of her sanity and move on with what she had left. That was all Catherine could do.

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><p>AN - How'd you guys/gals like that? Was it too tame or was it ff perfection? I won't know unless you review so...you should probably do that. Random thought, did anyone cry slightly while reading this because I cried slightly while typing it.


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